Nightly Prayers

Shaky. That is how I feel. Somedays I really need to remind myself of one simple truth: I am a nurse. For so long I have been on the road to being a nurse it is surreal now to have reached the goal. I know I am a nurse, my name badge declares it, the letters RN follow my signature now, daily I greet my patients with "Hello, I will be your nurse tonight." The problem is I still feel so much like a nursing student. I still have such vast gaps in my knowledge base. I am told this feeling of inadequacy won't begin to subside until I have been working (ironically practicing is probably a more accurate term) for three years. Three years is the expected length of time before the textbooks say one becomes a "competent nurse". Yes, competent. Not great, not good just competent. So if I feel incompetent and everyone in the profession acknowledges and agrees with this fact, how is it they allow me to practice? They give me patients and expect me, an incompetent nurse, to keep them alive. The cruel fact of the matter is that I will never be competent unless I have the experience that only time and circumstance bring. I am human and falliable and even the most seasoned nurses make mistakes. All I can do is try my utmost to learn everything I can and be as thorough and cautious as I can be while keeping my patients best interests at heart. Oh yes...and pray. Oh how I pray! Each night as I drive to work, Dear Lord, please be with me tonight, guide my mind and my hands to do what is right. Be with my patients, with each one may your will be done. May they feel the safety of your comfort and love. And lastly...please, please don't let me kill anyone tonight!